WAITING FOR ANSWERS
Some questions stay with us for years. Seeking answers is not about living in the past. It is about understanding the road that brought us here.
There are some chapters of our lives that never feel fully closed.
Not because we are unwilling to move on.
Not because we are trapped in the past.
But because questions remain unanswered.
For many years, I have carried questions about my own experiences and about the decisions that were made around them.
Like many survivors, I learned that life does not stop while we wait for answers.
You build a career.
You form friendships.
You create new memories.
You find reasons to keep going.
Yet somewhere in the background, some questions remain.
Questions about what happened.
Questions about what people knew.
Questions about whether things could have been different.
Recently, I submitted a Subject Access Request to obtain information relating to my case.
As I write this, I am still waiting.
I do not know what the records will contain.
I do not know whether they will answer the questions I have carried for so long.
I do not know whether they will bring clarity or simply raise new questions.
But I know why I asked.
I asked because understanding matters.
Not because I expect the past to change.
The past cannot be changed.
What happened has already happened.
The decisions that were made have already been made.
Time only moves in one direction.
But understanding allows us to place pieces together.
It allows us to see events more clearly.
It allows us to understand our own story with greater honesty.
For a long time, I believed that justice and answers were the same thing.
As I have grown older, I have come to realise they are not.
Justice is one thing.
Truth is another.
Sometimes people receive both.
Sometimes they receive neither.
Many survivors spend years living somewhere in between.
Learning to build a life while carrying uncertainty.
Learning to move forward without knowing everything.
Learning to accept that some questions may never be fully resolved.
That is not easy.
There are days when uncertainty feels heavy.
There are moments when old questions return unexpectedly.
There are times when waiting feels frustrating.
Yet there is also something hopeful in seeking answers.
Because seeking answers is an act of self-respect.
It is a way of saying that our experiences matter.
That our stories matter.
That understanding matters.
Whatever the records eventually reveal, I know one thing.
My life has not stood still while I have been waiting.
I have continued to grow.
I have continued to learn.
I have continued to build a future.
The answers may arrive tomorrow.
They may arrive months from now.
They may answer every question, or only a few.
But until then, I will keep moving forward.
Because waiting for answers does not mean waiting to live.